Hey dad, can you look on the computer and see if there's any mad scientists in the world? And if there are, can you tell me where they are so I can go find them? I need one to make lasers come out of my eyes so I can be superman.

Overheard from the living room:

And a one, and a two, and a three, Heavenly Father ...

This was the start of his blessing on his breakfast.

"Hey mom, did you know, when you touch your eye, it actually makes your eyeball feel fresh? It actually does! Feels pretty good!"

Wow. I ... had no idea.

Nolan: Where do hamburgers come from? Me: Cows N: How do they get it from the cow? M: (Awkward pause) ... they have to kill the cow ... N: (shocked look) Why? M: Because the hamburger is from the cows muscles. (Oh my ...) N: Why don't they just open the cow, take out the meat, and then tie it back closed? M: Because cows can't live without their meat N: Why don't they put pigs meat in the cows? M: Then the pig wouldn't be alive. N: What do we get from pig meat? M: Bacon N: Mmm, I LOVE bacon! Indeed. Clearly pigs don't matter as much as cows.

N: Mom, what is flush? M: Like when you flush a toilet? N: No, the other kind. Like when dad showed me that video about Jesus, and he said "Here, eat all my flush."

M: My cousins son just went into the MTC. N: (wide eyed) He went into the empty sea?? What for??

I don't ever wanna drink alcohol, it kills your brain cells. And sometimes makes you wanna eat your parents.

I just KNEW one day I would get a whole entire crio bru! Now my heart is full of happy!

Hey mom, when we were Easter bunnies, then heavenly father was turning into an Easter bunny too! Oh wait ... uh, that was awkward!

Heavenly Father, I have something to say to you. I love being smart and silly, and I know you made me smart and silly.I just wanted to say thank you. You're the best!

Hey mom, when I'm done eating, you and me can kiss!

Hey you, c'mere woman! I need ta dance with ya! (grabs me around the waist and starts shakin it). Now, what ya got cookin over there, you good lookin?

M: We need to go shower nolie
N: Why?
M: Because we stink!
N: And when we stink we don't taste good?
M: (laughing) Exactly!
N: But mom, if we just eat some marshmallows, we'll taste good again!

Just listenin to some tunes, doing my dance moves on the couch, when Nolie comes and yanks me up and says "C'mon mom, Jesus wikes us to dance on the fwoor!"

I see what he's learning in primary ...

N: Here you go mom, it's a delicious drink!
M: ( After I'm done "drinking") Thanks honey, that WAS delicious!
N: You're welcome, it's a piranha milkshake!

.....

Apparently this is the song Nolan learned in primary this week:

Jesus was a prophet, who tried to run away to the carnival ...

Hey Bunny, how's it goin? My name is Cool Awesome!

COMPLETELY random:

"Woohoo! Hawelujah cow!! We get our tickets back!!"

I don't even know ...

Also, I'm not sure why, but sometimes he can say "l" and sometimes it's a "w". Go figure.

Nolan, when he saw our staffroom today: "Oh wow, this is a great room! This room is pretty incredible!!" Yeah I guess, we do eat food in here ...

But mom, if you hit with your phone, then I have to take it away!

Hm, nice try Nolie ...

Nolan just licked my face, looked at it carefully, then gave a satisfied nod and said "There!" Not sure what that was about ...

As we were pulling up to church, I asked Nolie if he was excited for primary. His answer was "No, I don't want to go play in primary. I'm just frustrated, and I only need to play with frustrated people!"

Ok

"Mom, my tongue just jumped outta my mouf, and turned into a crab! It made me sad!"

I started singing "flower gleam and glow ..." when Nolie says to me "Stop singin that song mom! Yer only allowed to sing that song if yer hair glows, and yours DOES NOT!!"

N: Are these my green jams?
M: Yeah, they're your camo jams!
N: Do dey have camels on em?
M: No, camo.
N: No dey don't, dey have grass and green water on em!

Nolan just pretended to take a bite out of my arm. Then he says "mmm, tastes wike fish an cimmamon!"

That's a new one!

After trying to kick me on the couch:
M: We DO NOT kick! One day this will get through to your brain!
N: But I don't have a brain!
M: What happened to it??
N: Gramma took it, it's at her house.
M: Why does Gramma have it?
N: She's just pwayin wif it. Ok?

N: Do you wanna taste of dat honey on yer head mommy?
M: Of course!
N: Then take yer tongue out from yer mouf, an wick it on yer head!
M: *laughing*
N: Now say "Dat's a genius, Nowie!"

Nolie just turns to me and says "Kiss me, Oh king of a monsters!" Then he closes his eyes and puckers up!

(After a GINORMOUS sneeze) I need a kweenex mommy! Hurry, before it melts!!

After we salted the sidewalk outside:

"Wook mommy, snow crumbs!"

I love this kid =)

Mommy, I hurt my bum! I want you a kiss it better!

Awkward ...

When I were in diapers, I lived in a baby!

M: Nolie, let's go put on your church clothes.
N: Cuz we're goin a church?
M: Yeah!
N: Woohoo! I wuv church! It's so e'citing at church, cuz we're goin a see Jesus! Now shake yer booty mommy! Shake it shake it!

I was kind of in a grumpy mood a few minutes ago and Nolie was crawlin all over me, so I told him to stop it! He shakes his finger at me and says "Don't be so gwumpy! Now stop gwumpin wight now!" Yes sir!

N: Mommy, what's dis?
M: A wise man
N: Mommy, what's dis one?
M: Another wise man
N: Two wises mans?? Oh wow, dat's awesome!

Me an you, we're so happy a'gedder (together)!

Aw! Yeah we are :)

Mommy, I'm a cutest big mussows widdow cute'ser EBBER!

For those who need a translation: I'm the cutest big muscles little cutester EVER!

I told Nolie I burned my arm at work today, and he gets the saddest little puppy dog eyes, and with all the sadness he can muster for me, says "Oh no oh no! That's terribow!"

After crawling up to my foot and examining it for a minute, Nolie says "Excuse me big giant toe, I need dis spot! Pwease Pwease!" At least he said please ...

Slightly more graphic than the usual ...

While potty training today:

"Wook mommy! It's a pickow (pickle) poo!"

Indeed ...

Mommy, I'm yer Nowie boy! An yer my mommy girow (girl)!

Mommy, I need some hewp. The toof brushin room is dark!

Mommy, I CRAZY! I had a hard day.

Mommy, you big! And heeeeaby!


I think I mentioned once how good he is
for my self esteem ...

Mommy, I WUF your big arms, dey're boo'fow!

M: (being the cool mom that I am) Nolan, come here, yo!
N: (perplexed look on his face) Mommy, I'm not a yo-yo! I'm Nolie!

Mommy, I need your leg, I'm pwayin "Yeehaw! Howdy Howdy!"

Nolie was just looking at the sun through the clouds and he says "Mommy, there's a moon! The moon is sunny!"

N: Mommy, my hair is maaaad.
M: How come it's mad?
N: It needs some milk. (takes a drink) There! It's happy now!

Milk. It does a body good. And hair.